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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30068652">Just Comfort Me...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PolarKraken/pseuds/PolarKraken'>PolarKraken</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Trailer Park Boys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, SFW for once, Vomit Mention, and ricky just being ricky, julian being an emotionally constipated asshole</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:27:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,165</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30068652</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PolarKraken/pseuds/PolarKraken</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Simple little fluff fic after the events of Season 12. Nobody is a cartoon or in prison here, which leaves Julian enough time to be sad about Candy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Julian/Ricky (Trailer Park Boys)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Just Comfort Me...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn't often that he would drink straight up rum without any mixer in it. Chucking pure liquor was a Lahey move and if there was one thing he wanted to avoid, it was becoming like this old crook. Alas, he was pretty sure that he was allowed to wallow in alcohol and self-pity, considering he had been basically dumped at the altar. Well, not directly, but figuratively. Was that even the right word? </p><p>Who cares. </p><p>With furrowed brows he stared into the flames of the bonfire, his body hanging listlessly over a repurposed couch between his and Ricky's trailer. It stank like mold and some bodily fluids he'd rather not think about, but he was so far away from giving a shit at the moment. He pulled the bottle up to fill his glass full to the brim with cheap rum and just when he sat up again, there were suddenly four golden birds on a blue sky in his vision and it took him embarrassingly long to realize what was going on. </p><p>"Hey bud, thought you looked like you wanted some company."</p><p>When he peered up, there were two Rickies looking back at him with a pitiful expression. God how he hated it. He was only able to blink up to him, shrug and grumble, but managed to move over to make some room. His annoying friend let himself plop down, almost making him spill his drink. </p><p>"And look, this company brought weed!" </p><p>He grinned, showing him an impressive blunt. If Julian would care about anything he would wonder how many papers he had used for it. </p><p>"Cool..."</p><p>He mumbled and sipped his liquor, letting the burn numb out this empty feeling inside. </p><p>"You're bummed because Candy left you hanging, right?"</p><p>Julian cringed at his oblivious bluntness. Instead of snarking back, he held still and drank more from his glass, watching the flames with a stoic expression. </p><p>"I mean I get it, she was great, but you godda admit, she was waaay too great for you."</p><p>"Are you trying to make me feel <i>worse</i>?"</p><p>Julian retorted finally, turning his head to give him an annoyed look. </p><p>"No man. I'm just saying. She's greater than all of us. Believe me, it's better for the best."</p><p>Ricky condescendingly patted his back and Julian sighed. </p><p>"Then why she'd propose to me?"</p><p>It was hard using the word propose when his tongue felt like a worm which didn't do what he wanted. </p><p>"I dunno, but doesn't matter anyway. It's over."</p><p>Hearing this stated so matter of factly was almost as horrible as the last phone call he had with her. He had to swallow down a lump and decided to do this by emptying his tumbler in one swoop.</p><p>"Hey hey <i>hey</i>, Julian! I'm all down for partying but that's a bit much!"</p><p>The buzz he had going quickly turned to proper drunkenness, something he hadn't felt since his 20s. He grunted in semi pain when the alcohol heated up his insides and finally it was getting harder to understand Ricky's bullshit. </p><p>"Either shutthefuggup or piss off. Yer not makin' it any better!"</p><p>He slurred and leaned back again to make the spinning world around him more bearable. He had hoped to maybe see some stars in the sky but all he could see was monochrome darkness. Instead he just clenched the now empty glass tighter.</p><p>For a second it almost seemed like Ricky would listen to him but then his voice came through the haze after all. </p><p>"M’ sorry, Julian. Let's just get high and chill out, okay?"</p><p>He sounded contrited and Julian almost felt bad for snapping at him. As a peace offering he calmed himself down enough to answer. </p><p>"Sure, lighteryup."</p><p>"Glad you're making sense again."</p><p>Ricky retorted and pushed against his shoulder playfully. Julian simply scoffed. Then he could see him fiddling around from the corner of his eye and then the soothing smell of weed was in the air. Ricky took the first hit, sighing out contently before he tried to give Julian the blunt. Being cross eyed as he was, he swung at the air a couple of times before he gave up. </p><p>"This' too hard!"</p><p>He complained, which made his friend chuckle for some reason. </p><p>"Alright, gonna put the thing in myself, get ready."</p><p>Despite his drunkenness, Julian didn't miss the euphemism in this and was about to ask if he did that on purpose, but then there was the tip of the blunt in his mouth so he tried to inhale first. Sadly he swallowed the smoke instead of getting it into his lungs and caused himself a coughing fit. Weirdly patient, Ricky got the blunt to safety and waited for him to stop coughing.</p><p>When he could finally breathe again, despite his insides now burning on a whole other level, he leaned his exhausted body against the old couch, face turned upwards. He felt Ricky's weight shift next to him, while he tried to collect himself somehow.</p><p>“Man, really godda do everything myself, huh? Open your mouth, dummy!”</p><p>Julian’s half lidded eyes glanced at him, slightly confused about the weird order, but instinctively complying. What’s the worst that could happen, right? He let his jaw hanging slack to put in as little effort as he could, waiting for Ricky to do whatever he had planned. Then everything transpired really fast. </p><p>Ricky taking a big drag on the blunt, his fingers on Julian’s jaw turning his head, his face coming so, so close and for a short horrifying second Julian feared he was coming down to kiss him, their lips almost touching, but no. He only felt his breath rush out, saturated with weed smoke and he somehow had the mind to inhale. They stayed like that in this weird pose, with Julian’s head leaned back over the upholstery, breathing in the smoke which slowly escaped Ricky’s lips, who was leaned over him, bracing himself with his arms left and right of Julian’s head. It was almost as if time was standing still and he could feel Ricky looking at him, but his own vision was too blurry to reciprocate. Instead, there was weight over him, the warmth from his skin suddenly everything in his periphery, their closeness weirdly intimate, making his heart beat a bit stronger. This time the smoke went where it was supposed to and when Ricky sat back down, Julian held his breath for a moment, just to make sure to absorb as much weed as possible, before he slowly exhaled again. </p><p>The stuff kicked in almost instantly, but not in this heady, punch-in-the-gut kind of way. Instead there was this something inside him, taking care of that bundle of anxiety in his chest, releasing it like a knot and dulled out the upset a lot better than the liquor ever could. He turned again to face his friend, only a bit flustered about the shot gun weed he received. </p><p>“Fuuuck, that’s good shit…”</p><p>Ricky looked so incredibly proud, it was almost funny. He smirked at him, his bloodshot eyes glinting at him in the flickering light of the fire. </p><p>“Yeah man, my own blend. I call it ‘anti-break-up-weed’.”</p><p>Julian watched him take another drag of it, before he joined him in the lounging, exhaling happily. </p><p>“Got less THC and shit.”</p><p>He hadn’t thought it would be possible, but he did feel soothed now, the interaction between the weed and the rum doing something right inside of him to put him more at ease. He sighed and watched Ricky’s face. There was still a pronounced sadness in his mind dulling anything else, but it was easier to deal with it now. Maybe it was because of the weed, maybe it was merely Ricky’s presence or maybe it was both. Anyway, he was grateful that he was here with him right now. </p><p>“You fucking magician.”</p><p>He praised him and his friend giggled and waved the blunt around like a wand.</p><p>“How cool would that be, getting magic powers through dope!?”</p><p>“Uh-uh, Ricky! Dope <i>is</i> your magic power.”</p><p>He corrected him, actually able to smile and Ricky only sat there, staring at the empty sky. </p><p>“Maaaan, that’s so awesome. A dope magician. Wonder what kinda powers I have…”</p><p>“Well, your anti-break-up-weed is pretty potent. Almost don’t feel sad anymore.”</p><p>He mumbled and Ricky turned around, beaming at him.</p><p>“Hah, I knew this would work! You want another hit?”</p><p>“Hit me, man!”</p><p>Julian spoke quicker than he could think. He should’ve been clearer about the <i>how</i>, but because Ricky was over eager as always, he was already leaning over him again, loading up his mouth with smoke and Julian didn’t really have the reaction time nor the will to stop him from repeating his previous actions. May as well take his offering. </p><p>Getting weed smoke blown into his mouth was a lot smoother than getting it from the blunt, not to mention the gesture alone made Julian feel less lonely. This time he could feel Ricky being a bit wobbly on the lumpy couch, so he raised his free hand to steady him around his waist, his warm soft belly pressing against his palm through his colorful shirt. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes in the process, allowing himself to simply be in the moment, and not worry about his bleak, lonely future or his failed past. Maybe things weren’t too bad after all; at least he had weed, and rum and Ricky...</p><p>***</p><p>Groggily he opened his eyes and groaned in pain, completely confused about where he was or how he got here. It was almost not-dark and he felt a hammering headache in his temples, making even the little light around him feel like needles in his eyes. Julian tried to assess the situation, as ill equipped and hung over as he was. The surroundings seemed familiar, definitely inside. It was probably his bedroom, judging by the fact he was lying down comfortably, but there was one thing out of the ordinary. He usually slept lying on his back, but he was completely flipped over, resting with his cheek against something soft which wasn’t a mattress, no matter how much he wished it was. He squirmed and tried to sit up, when a familiar voice came through his fogged mind.</p><p>“Aaah, finally you’re awake. I thought you died or something.”</p><p>Of course it was Ricky, it always was. He let himself fall down again and finally realized what he was lying on. </p><p>“Why… why am I on your chest?”</p><p>He asked disgruntled and stirred to get off from him, making the blanket which had laid over them slip down.</p><p>“And why am I not wearing a shirt??”</p><p>Now he was really getting agitated, but Ricky simply patted his back.</p><p>“Because you puked all over yourself, man. Pretty fucking impressive, actually.”</p><p>This information, despite not very pleasant, actually relaxed him a bit and he kind of let himself fall back onto his friend again. He was way too dizzy to move much anyway. </p><p>“Fuck, can’t remember a thing. What the fuck happened?”</p><p>Ricky pulled a blunt from somewhere, maybe the remnants of the one they smoked together and inhaled, before he answered.</p><p>“Not much. Blew some more smoke into your face, you downed the rest of your liquor and then you vomited all the fuck over yourself and I had to drag you into your trailer and get your dirty shirt off.”</p><p>He stopped the tale of his misconduct as if that was enough so Julian had to press further. </p><p>“Ricky, that still doesn’t explain why you’re in bed with me!”</p><p>He felt him shift under him before he sighed overdramatically.</p><p>“Dude, you were fucking clinging onto me, there was no way for me to leave.”</p><p>He glanced down on him, while Julian stared back, mortified. </p><p>“So I decided to take a nap with you. See, no reason to be so fucking angry!”</p><p>Okay, fuck. </p><p>Shit.</p><p>That was so bad, Julian would’ve loved to just explode into a million pieces. He must’ve been so far gone, his stupid fucking neediness had raised its ugly head. He usually managed to keep it in check with booze and dis-attachment and mulling over self-help books, but Ricky had been there at the precise moment, where the drugs and the liquor and his bad mental state had culminated into this shit show now. He was only able to hide against his friend’s chest, hot and cold flashes of embarrassment rushing through him. He didn’t care anymore, everything was lost anyway. </p><p>“Sorry ‘bout that…”</p><p>He pressed out and heard Ricky chuckle. </p><p>“Naaah, I’m actually happy.”</p><p>Julian exhaled, face still smooshed into his friend.</p><p>“Fucking why?”</p><p>He felt his hand rub his bare back, presumably to soothe him and he just let him. He was absolutely ashamed right now getting pet didn’t help in that regard. </p><p>“You don’t usually tell how you feel, so… it’s just nice that you’re not being a fucking enema for once.”</p><p>This made him look up again after all. He curled his arms under him so he could push himself up more easily, finally able to look at Ricky directly. His eyes were doing their job now, more or less. He had expected the other to be smug, but instead he seemed almost a bit gloomy.</p><p>“You mean enigma, right?”</p><p>Ricky just shrugged, so Julian moved on. </p><p>“Anyway, I’m alright now, so feel free to do whatever you wanna do.”</p><p>Instead of starting to get up or whatever, he felt Ricky shuffling himself more into his bed. </p><p>“Thanks, I’ll stay right here, then.”</p><p>“I’d like to have the bed to myself, you know.”</p><p>To emphasize he actually rolled off him, so he was merely lying <i>next</i> to Ricky, which was only a bit less gay. </p><p>He watched him rub his chin, taking another drag of his blunt, before he turned around, the smoke escaping his mouth when he spoke. </p><p>“Don’t think you do, though. You seemed pretty upset earlier.”</p><p>Once something had latched itself into Ricky’s mind, he tended to obsess over it and pay way too much attention to it. It had happened so often, just this time it was actually terrible. Julian just hoped he could use his diplomatic skills to convince him otherwise. </p><p>“Yeah, earlier. I slept it off, so I’m fine now, no need to worry.”</p><p>To his surprise, Ricky actually got angry at this. God, he really didn’t feel well enough to have a fucking discussion with him right now. The ginger snuffed out the little snub of the blunt on his nightstand, before he snapped at him. </p><p>“See, you’re pulling a Julian again!!”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>He answered wearily and Ricky was quick to explain himself. </p><p>“You’re always doing this! I offer to help you out and all you say is ‘<i>Oooh, don’t worry about big strong Julian over here!! He can deal with everything alone!! Don’t come any closer, because you could actually find out the truth!!</i>’”</p><p>“That’s a fucking lie, I always ask for help if I need it!”</p><p>Julian knew full well what Ricky was insinuating, but he hoped he could deflect the topic enough. </p><p>“And anyway, what the fuck is the truth, huh?”</p><p>Ricky actually propped himself on his elbows he was so worked up. </p><p>“Okay first: I mean help with emotional bullshit, not me growing weed for you. And third: The fucking truth is, that you <i>aren’t</i> this slick fucking frying pan where nothing sticks to you. Even you need a hug sometimes!”</p><p>It wouldn’t be so offensive if he wasn’t so right about it. Anything he had to say kind of got stuck in his throat and he could only stare at him. </p><p>“So stop being such a fucking pain in the ass and just tell me what you need, alright? I’m here for you, buddy.”</p><p>He made it sound so easy, which it really fucking wasn’t. Julian rolled himself on his back, arm lying over his eyes, which he squeezed shut, just to be able to think. There was a lot he needed and nothing of it he could ask of anyone. Of course he was devastated about this sudden break up, feeling incompetent, worthless, lonely, but these weren’t feelings he wasn’t already used to anyway. Usually they stayed under the surface however and he could pretend they weren’t there, just to be able to function, to fill the role he had so carefully carved out for himself. He was the guy who figured shit out, who people could come to with their problems, always strong, dependent, smart. So pretty much the opposite of what he was right now. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt like such a pussy. </p><p>“I need you to give me some space.”</p><p>He mumbled, not being able to come up with anything better. Obviously this wasn’t enough to deter his best friend. </p><p>“Man, we <i>just</i> talked about this! I think space is the last thing you need right now!”</p><p>“You’re a fucking asshole, you know this?”</p><p>Julian had enough and hoped insulting him would get him out of his bed. </p><p>“If wanting to help your friend makes me an asshole, fine, guess I am one!”</p><p>When he realized that this wouldn’t work either, he switched to getting physical. He turned around, pushing Ricky away from him, hoping that he’d drop to the floor and finally get the message. Instead he pushed back and they started a pretty stupid pushing battle. Despite his greater strength, Julian was very incapacitated from the whole ordeal tonight, so Ricky wasn’t a match for him. Instead they ended up gripping at each other’s arms, glaring at each other and panting. </p><p>“What the fuck is your problem, man??”</p><p>“You are! Get lost already!!”</p><p>“I won’t do that and you know it.”</p><p>Why did he have to be so stubborn? It was so exhausting and he could feel his will to resist slip dangerously. The more he pushed the more he hung onto him and it drove him crazy. Julian knew for a fact, if he would allow himself to actually tell Ricky what he wanted him to do, their friendship would be over. It was a miracle he didn’t already leave him as well, after everything that had happened. The longer he felt his grip on his shoulders, the weaker his resistance got, though. Ricky had worn him down, had picked just the right moment of weakness to pierce through the layers upon layers of protection he had built around himself and was right at the epicenter of everything that was wrong with him. It seemed he was found out, no way to go back. </p><p>He was sure, if he would go ahead and do what he was about to, he would lose Ricky as well, and by proxy Bubbles and anyone else he gave a shit about. Maybe that would be for the best, so he wouldn’t have to be burden to them like he was right now. They all had other shit to deal with after all. </p><p>Ricky had won, had broken his defenses down enough for him to give into his outrageous demands, despite the harrowing consequences. Instead of pushing himself away he leaned forward, basically letting himself fall against his friend until his head rested on his shoulder. </p><p>“Fine, go ahead then.”</p><p>He grumbled, resting slack against him. Ricky’s hands were lying on his biceps, squeezing him a bit. </p><p>“With… with what?”</p><p>He asked, confused upon his sudden change in demeanor. Julian sighed. He really had to spell everything out for him, huh?</p><p>“Just comfort me…”</p><p>Wordlessly he was getting embraced by him, Ricky’s arms hugging him tightly and Julian just reciprocated mindlessly, swinging his arms around the other man as well. He was getting held like this and while it was causing him great anxiety, the physical sensation did something to him. He probably would start to cry if he was any more drunk right now, but luckily he was sober enough to keep this last threat of dignity. </p><p>“You’re a fucking great guy, Julian. Any girl would be lucky to marry you.”</p><p>Ricky mumbled and he just scoffed.</p><p>“Yeah, aside from Candy.”</p><p>“Forget about her, man. There are so many girls out there who’d jump at the chance to marry you.”</p><p>Ricky’s right hand was brushing over his back again and it elicited some goose bumps and Julian shivered slightly. </p><p>“Hell, if I was a girl I’d marry you in a heartbeat!!”</p><p>This actually caused Julian to laugh, just because it was so ridiculous. </p><p>“You know guys can marry too, right?”</p><p>Ricky shifted his weight and Julian moved with him, so they kept the maximum body contact. </p><p>“Yeah man, I’m just saying. I know you wanna marry a girl, so if I was one, you could marry me.”</p><p>This offer, said in jest for sure, gave him food for thought. As usual, his mind went through hypothetical scenarios if he wanted to or not. So there he was, imagining himself standing at the altar, with Ricky coming down the isle, wearing a white tux, them saying their vows and then….</p><p>“Yeah, you’d have to be a girl. Can’t seal the deal with you like this.”</p><p>“What you mean?”</p><p>Ricky asked and Julian was forced to elaborate.</p><p>“You know, kissing and stuff.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, that…”</p><p>Despite Ricky not respecting any of his boundaries, at least when it came to this he held back. They had fooled around on so many occasions and they had always managed to not end up kissing, despite their mouths doing way worse things with each other. It was solely Julian’s hang ups which kept them from this, because he knew they’d be frenching endlessly if it was Ricky who called the shots. </p><p>“Man that sucks, I bet being married to you would be super chill.”</p><p>Now he was focused on this stupid bullshit and Julian already knew he would have to humor him. </p><p>“Not really, I mean, we couldn’t bang any chicks anymore, right?”</p><p>He felt Ricky shrug, before he answered.</p><p>“Who says we couldn’t? Get the pussy elsewhere and then come home to your husband. Best of both worlds!”</p><p>It made sense, way too much actually and Julian felt himself slowly getting swayed by this banter, even though he was sure he was just joking around. </p><p>“You’re so fucked, Ricky.”</p><p>He simply said and tried to just concentrate on being held. His paranoia from before had vanished, with Ricky being so natural about all this. He probably wouldn’t abandon him like he feared, or at least it would take a lot more for him to do so. Even though he was used to being left on the wayside, it was still something he wanted to avoid. The easiest way was to just not depend on anyone, but this guy basically forced him to do so.</p><p>“Hey, where’s my glass by the way?”</p><p>Julian asked, mostly to change topics, but also just worried where his tumbler could be. Ricky kept on hugging him while he answered.</p><p>“In the kitchen I think. You want me to make you a drink?”</p><p>“No… I’m… I’m good for now.”</p><p>He said quietly and hoped Ricky would understand. They didn’t move and Ricky basically cradled him by now, both his hands wandering to massage the back of his neck or just rub over his back and Julian let him, reluctantly. Then he spoke again and Julian realized Ricky didn’t understand a thing. </p><p>“Really, you sure? Want something to eat? A new shirt? I could blow you as well if-“</p><p>Julian had to shush him by putting his hand over his mouth, peeling himself off him, shaking his head. </p><p>“Let’s just fucking sleep or something.”</p><p>He muttered and Ricky seemed to like that idea. </p><p>“Okay, that’s cool. You want me to stay?”</p><p>Julian felt his face heat up once more, but pushed himself to be honest. At least tonight he could probably risk it. </p><p>“If that’s okay…”</p><p>Instead of answering, Ricky pulled him with him, until they were lying down again and he only let go of him for a second to tuck them in. They shuffled around and finally they found a comfortable position with Ricky lying on his back and Julian nuzzled between his arm and chest. Man, he really could get used to this, but he knew he couldn’t let himself. This kinda shit needed to stay the exception and he couldn’t allow himself to let it become the new norm. Ricky’s hand was brushing through his hair, which made his worries slowly dissipate. </p><p>He was tired, sad, drained and now getting soothed like this, so there was no way for him to muster the energy to panic. He only wanted to sleep, even if it was on his best friend’s chest. His eyelids were heavy and he gave into the fatigue at last, letting the slow steady heartbeat of his friend lull him into slumber.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Find me on twitter under <a href="https://twitter.com/GenteiJanken">@GenteiJanken</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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